Thanks for your comments!
After having started with windworks, I evaluate my own playing by my sound and sense of relaxation. My sound is terrible at the moment, haha! Forced, small, nassle, and not relaxed. I used to play with a rolled in embouchure which helped me get some high notes but I was working way to hard.
Of course, with the aahoo I have changed my embouchure and have considerably lost my range… but that doesn’t bother me since my wanting to play efficiently is very much desired.
But I have understood something enormous after reading your post!!! (I should have realised it this from the beginning). I feel like I choke as I ascend but I think I understand now why. I don’t think I have ever correctly fed air to my aperture. This may have led to many other negative symptoms. Basically, I feel like an idiot for not correctly doing the tissue exercise… the RELEASE part of playing. By not wanting to over-blow, I never gave my lips enough air to even produce a nice note…
I have always maintained a relaxed body with a good breath but when it came time to release air to my lips (as if they are vocal chords) I now realise that I always failed to do so! As a result of improperly releasing air, I think my lips had to always do the work. (I became a chop player). I think this is why I play with tension in the lips. I unwillingly made my lips buzz in order to produce notes. This is wrong… I believe this is due to a lack of air? As of today I now feed a relaxed breath to my lips and allow my lips to sympathetically vibrate in order to produce sound. Does this sound right?? My range is still low but I feel more relaxed. Its still very new to me but I have a new found hope!
Also your final paragraph is genius! Couldn’t have said it better. Being too self aware IS awkward and should not be so heavily focused on. Playing music is more important. So I have reduced my playing to 1) feel relaxed and 2) produce a beautiful sound. I am completely trying to surrender my mind and put trust in my body to find the notes. For example, when I ride my bike… I don’t analyse every movement I make, but I stay aware. I surrender my mind to my body in order to stay balanced.
Maybe a bad analogy but it makes sense to me. I hope my realisations are in fact the answers I have been waiting for…