Thanks for the advice everyone. I really did give it up for 3 days. I cleaned the house instead, I felt totally different after this. It was a relief. Maybe we need to go through things like this because it gave me time to think about it more creatively. What if…

I can’t stop playing, because there are days where I just KNOW if I pick up the horn I’m going to play well. And it’s very satisfying. Yes I have an emotional attachment to the horn. I know that and understand this has inhibited my development quite a bit. It’s my focus to stop being emotionally attached to it. If it happens it happens. If not, there will still be an occasional good day where it’s fun to play and it’s worth something.

You’re right Greg, I think undoing 20 years of development from other methods is a long process. I still want to pick up the horn and just play the music I like. All kinds of music, whatever suits my mood. Baroque (transposed down for now), Jazz, Ska, Classical, Folk, Rock, whatever. It feels good to play out the songs that fill my head. And that’s my problem I think, is that what feels good to play, is not necessarily the right way to play. Maybe I’ve been too attached to the physical sensation of playing, like Chuck Mangione’s “Feels So Good” seems to imply. Because many things that feel good can really be bad for you. I decided cut out almost all playing except the WW program, and being very meticulous about exactly what I’m doing, how many times, how fast, how I did it, taking daily notes in an excel spreadsheet. I’m hoping by playing just WW for a while I can make progress, learn to stop testing my range, and put the fun aside until I can do it, because I think the fun playing was undoing what I was developing. I’ll try not to post negatively in the future. Thanks again.