You’re very welcome, Peter. Glad you are going to meet with Greg online–I can’t think of anything that would be more helpful than that.
I definitely can relate to your feelings of shame, rage/frustration. I’m sure everyone on this site, including Greg, have felt those same feelings; I know I have. There have been times I have wanted to quit playing for good or thrown my instrument across the room. But I’m very glad I didn’t.
Playing trumpet can be very frustrating, but can be very rewarding and fulfilling–perhaps more fulfilling the more difficulties we overcome.
Best of luck to you on your journey–you can play above the staff as you wish. It’s much easier than you realize it is; it only takes a bit of coordination, it doesn’t take developing strength of muscle or air power. With a little focus and experimentation, I believe you will figure it out your own way just as I did and many others have.